At Sea

by Musical Care

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Dedicated to kind people.


releases January 1, 2020

Recorded in the eagle treehouse/bedrock rehearsal/coyote den, los angeles ca, the euclidean underground, portland or and dollhouse towers, boston ma summer/fall 2019.

Music written, recorded, and produced by ryan jebavy [ASCAP]
grayless recordings [gr-42]

danny askar - drums, additional vocals "violent pink"
river priest - additional synths "tangerine"
andrew scandal - electric guitar "secret"
ryan jebavy - vocals, piano, omnichord, synths, guitar, bass

design by leslie saucer


all rights reserved



Musical Care Los Angeles, California

Musical Care is the music of songwriter Ryan Jebavy. In the clouds since 1999. (painting by Dale Shikowski)

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Track Name: Feather Girl
bring me someone else, half-japanese dead weather girl
i can't even tell how much you mean, green feather girl
you have to understand, this is the end of that other world
so can you hold my hand and watch the waves for these stomach bugs

we sailed through hidden lands
you have the hands of the oceanist
i try to comprehend how much of me you've been aiming at
leave your tired friend, the phantom thread from your daydreams
and kiss me under stars
we can pretend that we're in ireland
Track Name: Tangerine
i step into the fire and it feels....
i want you, sledova

my mind is a spider, and it's spinning....
i want you, sledova

this was never a dream.
you've been circling a fantasy
run away, tangerine
go dark with me

my heart is a lion heading straight for....
i need you, sledova

this was never a dream...
you've been circling a fantasy
run away, tangerine
go dark with me...
Track Name: At Sea
close all the doors,
here comes the night...
think of your kid, think of your wife
what will you say?
what will you change?
why don't you pray?
it's all the same
pray to the rain,
pray your god,
pray to your ghosts,
pray for your cause
listen for screams--they're not what they seem
hang on to the walls, hang on to your dreams
who have they hurt?
it's all a blur
put on a smile, pretend that you're high
hold on for days, without meaning
the light, it waits for you
hold on for days, without meaning
the light, it waits for you

still make-believe, color in green
make up some more songs about your esteem
now you turn blue
again, it's with you to rope in the reds--careful, it's you
hold on for days, without meaning
the light, it waits for you
hold on for days, without meaning
the light, it waits for you
Track Name: Violent Pink
sometimes it snows
snows a violent white
sometimes it snows
(falling slowly all of the while)

the sunshine hides
everyone you know
the dreadful sun
(fading all the colors to black and white)

sometimes it rains
rains a muted pink
sometimes it rains
(washing off the edges of structure and time)

the moonlight aches
with everything you love
the sullen moon
(folding hope beneath its selfish tides)

sometimes it shakes
shakes with lightning ash
sometimes it shakes
(blinding, drowning out your careful song)

this time will pass
memory will be gone
time will pass
Track Name: Unlovely Creature
can you save a terror in the wind, a comet in your skin?
how can i say, the sea is falling through....don't want to dance with you

can you please pretend it didn't end, pretend you're still with me?
under your spell, our lonely hearts, where sometimes long to die
i tried and tried to find a quiet mind, a lesser nervous side
so i was kind and gave you all the time, and saw it in your eyes
Track Name: Secret
all along the ocean there's a secret in the air
tell it to me, sweetheart. tell me truths that i can bear.
just a drunken nightmare, just a starry dream
there's lilies in my bed. i'll be spinning till i'm dead, i know...
sirens of the sea and me.

slow-dance with the devil
leave your flowers at her grave
wander with me, darling. keep the promises you made.
i could never hurt a fly.
there's lilies in my bed. now i'm seeing all the red....
just a drunken nightmare, just a starry dream
circling through my head, like an aeroplane of death, i know...
it's just the sirens of the sea and me.
Track Name: Blues and Reds
you told me not to memorize all of the pretty lights
but when i get the blues, there's nothing i won't do
i want to touch you so, oh my thinking
i want to lose control... what was i thinking?

you said don't ever ring the bell
i try to wish you well
but when i get the reds, all my thoughts turn to dead
oh, please fill my hands with all of your red
with all of your red....

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